Online Rule #17: Regarding Smoking

Online Etiquette Rule #17:

Be Honest About Smoking

     The other night I was invited over to a man’s house who said he “smoked socially” on his profile.  My understanding about this phrase’s meaning is that the person: smokes at parties, bars, and other social situations.  When I arrived I could smell the stench of cigarettes coming from his house while I was standing outside and the door opened. I stayed there for about two and half hours, and he smoked on average one cigarette every half hour. He said he wanted to give me a massage but wanted to smoke a cigarette first. 

     I don’t smoke.

     Let me see if I understand this, you smoke socially and yet your house stinks, and I’m not smoking but you are still smoking while we are hanging out. Doesn’t sound socially to me.

     This man was dishonest about his smoking habits. I typically would call this person a liar, but I think the truth is, he lies to himself the most. He just doesn’t want to admit his true smoking habits to anyone, mostly himself. He’s the kind of guy who says, he can take it or leave it, and then puffs on his fourth cancer stick of the evening.

     Rule #17: Look at your smoking habits and be honest about them on your profile. If you smoke say it!

     For me there really are only two distinctions, you are a smoker or you are not. So regardless of how much you smoke if you smoke then you are a smoker. So say that on your profile. This goes also for people who smoke pot but do not smoke tobacco.  If you smoke pot, then you are also a smoker.

The do-you-smoke question is on many gay websites.  Some only allow for a yes or no, while most have the third classification of “Smokes Socially.” This has to be the most popular answer for this question, and yet I’m not sure I’ve met anyone who truly smokes socially. Let’s clarify what this means. 

Smokes socially means you smoke at the bars, you smoke at parties, you smoke in social gatherings with other smokers. A pack of cigarettes could last for several days or a week for you, unless you are going out to the bars every night. If we are on a date, and I’m a non smoker, a social smoker will not smoke. A social smoker should not smoke at home, should not smoke in his car, should not take smoke breaks at work. These are not truly social situations like a party. A person who drinks socially by comparison would never drive down the street with a beer, would never have a martini at work.

When you get to the do-you-smoke question: look at your smoking habits and be honest.

      I don’t enjoy spending time with smokers, so this is very important to me. I don’t like the way their breath smells, I don’t like the way their skin tastes, I don’t like the way I feel being in a smoky room. My clothes stink, my room and house stink, the car stinks.  But mostly, I don’t like living my life around a bad habit.

Be honest with yourself and with others about your smoking habits. If you are having a question about if you smoke or smoke socially, then the answer is you smoke. That is the most honest.