Waiting for a tryst at Krispy Kreme

So right now, I’m sitting at a Krispy Kreme waiting on my tryst to show up.  I know you may find this odd to hear, but I do at times hook up. These trysts are usually set up online, and that’s what brings me to my topic today: When the hookup doesn’t show up.

     This happens all the time to so many people (I even suspect it happens to even the best looking, most handsome, well hung men too): the hookup doesn’t show up, and the one guy is left alone.

     It has happen a few times to me, so much so that I can almost tell when the guy will be a no show.  It could be that he suddenly drops offline and doesn’t reply to the last message; or it could be that he chats with you via text until you get to the door and then doesn’t answer. I’ve heard of a guy getting directions to a place and suddenly the directions stop. And the guy is left in the city standing on the street corner.

     What do you do when this happens?

     Nothing. You go home.

     You go home: not embarrassed; not ashamed; not humiliated: you just go home.

     You go home: not angry; not set on giving the guy a piece of your mind: you just go home.

     There is absolutely no reason to message him that you were there and he wasn’t, no reason to check and see what happened. I’ll tell you what happened: he either got cold feet, or he was never coming in the first place. 

     Regardless of the reason there is no reason to be upset and start a row with the guy online. There is no reason to feel embarrassed (even if the realization that loneliness was the driving force behind the sex date hits you).

     It simply doesn’t matter. We find ourselves becoming disappointed when we expect something. Oh I was looking forward to this session for sure: I was going to be the champ! I had plans and those plans are now gone: I was going to knead that dough into next week. Man was it going to be hot!

     And now it’s going to be nothing. And that’s ok, cause rarely do I turn out to be the champ I had so planned on being.  The dream is still alive in me, and it will give me some satisfaction late in my alone time. *Blush*

     Here are some of my pointers for setting up a hookup for online.

     1: remember you don’t know him, and while the chances of him being a serial killer are slim, he could still be some kind of criminal. So please always be careful. (Which was one of the things I liked about this evenings tryst: he suggested meeting first.) This can give you a reading of the person. But keep in mind criminals are very charming.

2: I like meeting in public, then going to where the action will take place.

2b: I like to pick a public place that if he doesn’t show, my trip wasn’t ruined. Hence the Krispy Kreme tonight: I did eat a few doughnuts, which while making me feel fat, did give me pleasure. Also bring a book or some work or something. This doesn’t have to be a wasted trip because he’s a dick. (I did this blog entry.)

     2c: Meeting in public gives you a way out. Do not be afraid to admit that you don’t think it is going to work and go home.

     3: Make sure you ask what he’s looking for that night. This can be done before the public meeting or during it. The issue here is that you both need to be on the same page of what you are willing to do. If he is looking to be the dom top and you are looking for a cuddling session with climax: both of you will be pissed off and felt lied too.

     3b: Remember this is a tryst and you don’t know the person. In order for the sex to be any good, both of you have to get into it and have fun. If you are not on the same page, then getting into it won’t happen. It will be a bust.

     4: Arrive a little early. If the time is set for 9pm, then get there just before 9pm.  Just like a date.

     5: Wait for a respectable time, allowing for traffic and other slowing down things. But don’t wait too long. I believe 15-20 mins is long enough.

     6: If he doesn’t show, let it go. Don’t message him, don’t hound him, don’t do anything. Look it was just sex and that’s ok if it didn’t happen, and who cares why. Simply: not important.

     7: If he contacts you again, remain polite and friendly.

     7b: If he contacts you again, remain polite and friendly; however, you are not required to continue being chat buddies, or try to set up another tryst.  In fact, I suggest not doing those things. He had his chance, he blew it, no hard feelings but no need to excite him with thoughts of bedding you. Nope let it go in every way: anger, embarrassment, and trying again.

     I believe that some readers might want to know about legitimate reasons why he might not have showed.  Like a car accident, or a sudden emergency, or whatever. Truth is: that has yet to have ever happen to me. So I think this is unlikely and if it is the case. It’s like my students worrying about late papers because of the same reason: truth is, papers are late because they are not done on time, not because of accidents in a car or whatever. If he contacts you and gives you one of those reasons, I suggest doing this: tell him that you are sorry that that happened and you hope he’s ok.  Be sincere. If he asks to meet with you, turn him down.

     Hooking up from online can be a blast if both men (or more if that is the case) are on the same page regarding sexual play. Keep your initial meeting in public to check him out a little and to give yourself a way out if he isn’t what he said he was. He shouldn’t mind. Arrive little before the meeting time and if he doesn’t show, don’t be bothered by it. It was only a sex play date, nothing dreadfully important. But above all: remember anytime you meet someone like this anonymously he could be any kind of bad guy, always be careful.

     P.S: regarding STD status. Just because this is with a near stranger, the rules don’t change: you can still ask questions about his status regarding any STD.  Whatever your habits are about asking about a status, keep them up. Additionlly: he might lie.