Online to Face to Face: Part II, Rule #13

     I Spy a Guy from Online: Part II

     Rule #13: If you see someone in public who you chat with, it is ok to say hello if the situation allows it, and you have chatted recently.

     What we are talking about is seeing someone and you walk up and say hello. People should be cultivating online connections that will develop into in person ones as well. You should not fear walking up and saying hello. If he is alone, like in a store, you can approach, get eye contact and say: “I think we’ve been chatting on line.” Or something like that. It is ok, as long as you are keeping it friendly and not making a pass (then I have nothing to say about that.)

Some people don’t want others to know where they chat or even that they chat online. That’s his problem not yours. If you keep it simple and vague and you’ve not revealed what chat site or what kind of chat you’ve had, and you’ve been polite, and he finds offense that’s his problem. If he doesn’t respond nicely and politely he’s a empty milk carton with not too many uses.

One of the most important things to keep in mind is that while you have recognized him, he may not recognize you. You are out of context. He’s used to seeing you with the same look on your face, with the same clothes on, and so forth.  And how many times have we met someone from online and he doesn’t look like his picture. Keep that in mind. I suggest making your approach with the same care you would if you have never chatted. Try not to be too forward, and don’t assume he knows you. A nice introduction is fine and works well. You can follow that up with “I think we’ve chatted online”.  This approach can work if it has been a long time since you last chatted.

     The situation is also important. I’ll be discussing this in more detail later. Just take a moment and look and see what he is doing. Standing alone at the bus stop? Sure why not.  Sitting down at dinner with friends? Maybe not then.  Shopping at the grocery store? Maybe as long as you don’t stalk him and spend time staring.

     If you are cultivating online friendship with people you are willing to be friends with face to face, then if he says hello, you should not be bothered.  He should feel it’s ok, and you should feel it is ok to do it to him.  If you can’t place him, just ask for his screen name and what website, and don’t be embarrassed. He should be ok with these questions. Regardless of the situation or why you think he is talking to you be polite. “Don’t over think the situation or overplay your hand,” Alex (a guy I don’t know from Facebook), is sound advice. If you keep yourself polite and friendly you have choices for the future.