How to Reply to the Question: Are you in a Relationship?
Amazingly, yes this needs to be clarified. How to reply to the question: are you in a relationship? Let’s start with the rules and then I’ll explain why they exist.
Rule 1: reply honestly.
Don’t lie. All lies will be found out. If you are having trouble with this question, the answer is most likely yes. Single people never have trouble with this question. They know they are single. Only partnered men, who are not sure they want to stay in the relationship, or are in the process of breaking up, or are thinking of cheating, have trouble with this question. Look I’ll help you: the answer is yes!
This really is a black and white question, there are absolutely no shades of gray here, no conditions, situations, or provisions that change this: you are either in a relationship or you are single.
Rule 2: reply clearly, and with as few words as possible. For example:
Guy: I’d like to play with you sometime.
Singleguy: that will be hot. Aren’t you in a relationship?
Guy: Yes.
That’s it, nothing else is required or needed. Let’s look at this recent example I’ve encountered.
Guy: I’d like to play with you sometime. I think you are hot.
Singleguy: are you not in a relationship?
Guy: Yes, I am but it's not of the sexual natured one. We primarily just live together and yes we still care about each other. But that's about it. If I had a really good job and as well I could deal with things on my own, I would leave the relationship and be on my own.
Oh dear! I feel heavier just reading this. So are you in a relationship or not? It sounds like you are roommates. This is a copy and paste job. But I corrected punctuation and misspellings so if he sees it, he will not recognize it.
This is an excellent example of what not to do. Look at the difference between the good example and this one. Way too many words and it leaves the reader with more questions. Here are the ones I had:
Do you really think that those are valid reasons to stay in a relationship that seems less than friends?
Is he your caretaker? Does he pay for you and you don’t want to end that until you find your next victim?
Why do you need a good job to live on your own? What is a good job? What do you do now? I’m unemployed and I’m not in a relationship like that.
Would your partner describe the relationship the same? What’s his profile name, I’d like to ask him.
Have you thought have you thought about going to counseling to work through your immaturity? I know a good one I can recommend, he specializes in gay men.
See when you give more information in your reply you show just how crazy you are. And I’m not using that word crazy in the clinical way, I mean it in the street, you are crazy way. In person I might say to this guy: dude shut the hell up! I just asked if you are in a relationship not everything about it.
See I don’t play with partnered guys. (This rule gets broken all the time, because I keep assuming that guys chatting with me are single. My mistake.) When I ask if you are in a relationship, it doesn’t matter any of the conditions around it, you are in a relationship, and you’ve been cut from the team. Sorry.
People give all the information for many reasons I’m sure, but I’m only interested in one. They tell me all this stuff to appear as if they are not in what I am calling a relationship or that the relationship is different, so play time can still be a go.
No it can’t.
This happens mostly when you get the qualifier: Open. Yes, I’m in an open relationship. Oh see so this means that you can play with me. Notice it’s assumed that I am in an open singlehood. I am not. My singlehood is closed, and I only play with single men. But even with this one word, “open” I’m still filled with questions:
What are the rules?
Are you allowed to kiss? Or just lie on your back and get a blow job? Will there be any intimate traffic (that’s a German phrase for sexual intercourse, I’m not sure but I thought it dealt with anal sex.)
Do we have to meet at my place only?
During your work hours, late at night?
Are you truly open, or is it only when you can get away with it, or he is out of town, or busy with his hobbies?
Are you really in an open relationship where you have sex with other men, or are you in a nominal open relationship where you just chat about having sex with other men?
If he calls and says he wants to have dinner the night we are having our play date, will you cancel with me? Or will you tell him: oh honey I’m going to have sex with someone else. I mean you are in an open relationship so you should be able to do that, and you should do that, if you are truly open.
I often wonder what is wrong with you that you are in an open relationship. Why is it that you and your partner are not happy with just each other? Sex is important—in a relationship. That’s true, but you are not in a relationship with all the guys you sleep with, you are in a relationship with the guy who doesn’t satisfy your appetite. Outside a relationship sex has no importance. I don’t think the problem is your partner: I think the problem is you. Have you thought that you might have sexual addiction? Maybe if you address the issue you would find your relationship with your partner getting better.
See what happens when you don’t answer the question simply with as few words as possible. You open doors to more thoughts than you wanted. Just say: yes. And end it there. Answering with just yes allows the other to ask if it is open or not.
For me, simplest answer revels that he is secure in his relationship. That I like. I like the feeling like I’m getting to know someone who is secure. I’m complicated enough, I’ve got moon in cancer or some odd thing like that. I don’t need more complications. I think it also allows me to become friends with him. I find it difficult to be friends with someone who wants to bed me, and I don’t want him to bed me.
Keep your replies really simple on that question. Don’t complicate it.
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