Rule #11 and Exception to Rule #11: Delete Overly Sexual Greetings

Greetings: Overly Sexual

     Greetings! Greetings are important. I find out so much information about you from your hello.  This is as true online as in person. That first impression is lasting.  But some guys are too forward online, and send the most outrages greeting messages. Things they would never do in person. What to do? Do you reply with a thank you? Do you tell him he’s nuts?  Deal with him swiftly because he is not going to get you want you want.

     Delete the message.

     Send him straight to jail, he will not pass Go, he will not collect 200 bucks. Directly to jail—Delete it.

     There is no reason to do anything else. Regardless of what you are looking for, even if what you are looking for is sex-right-now, delete that message. Why? Because sex with this guy is not going to be fun. He’s past the stop sign before you are in the car. In bed he’ll be like a juggler with no hands.

     But let’s be sure we are on the same page here. Cause I don’t want to be accused of making sweeping generalizations about overly sexual messages. The topic isn’t sexual messages in general, the topic is: overly sexual greetings. This is your first contact. You’ve never chatted before, you’ve never looked at his profile (if you did you didn’t send a message). His first message to you is one of these (which I have received):

     Idiot404: damn you are one hot daddy, I’d suck your dick any day, do you need a son who is willing to take your cock at any time.

     Delete.

     Idiot 403: bookstore sex tues or wed, u choose day and time.

     Delete.

     Idiot498: I bet that ass taste wonderful, when do it get to eat?

     Delete.

     Look if you are looking for sex, and want to get the yeast rising quickly that’s fine, but at least introduce yourself. Try this:

     Notsuchanidiot: Hey Dude, nice pics you look hot.

     Guy: Thanks man!

     Notsuchanidiot: yw, how’s your day going? Anything going on?

     Guy: I’m good, not much, just being lazy on my day off. You?

     Notsuchanidiot: me too. Are you looking?

     There you have it. It doesn’t take long to do this. Just a few messages and you can ask in a rather polite way if the guy wants to make the most of his day off. If he isn’t interested at that time, you’ve shown him you are not a crazy, horned-up fawn in spring, and someone who he might, if he wants, continue chatting with, or contact you later when he is looking.

     A guy who is that forward is not going to be fun in bed. Look I know many of you will say: I like a guy who is direct, or it really depends on what you are looking for; what if a guy is on line for right now, or wants a son? Shouldn’t he reply to these messages? The answer is no.  No he shouldn’t. Here’s why.

     What do you think it means that some is that forward? He’s dropped his manners out the bed when he started sexually fantasizing about some guy fulfilling that dream. Notice it’s some guy, it ain’t you. He’s been in his closet polishing his shoes and dreaming about a hot guy who would rush in and mount his flag declaring it his property. Greetings should always be polite, always.  But his cuckoo clock is wound tight with the minuet hand just before the hour: he is so caught up in his sexual passion and need to make an old faithful, that he isn’t thinking clearly.  He has done all the prep work for the dinner, and nearly eaten the meal. By the time he gets to your house there will be little left for you to enjoy.

     However, some of you are online looking for sex. You are clearly on a sexual website, like BarebackRT, or Grinder.  On Bear you are Bear4Sex, and on Adam4Adam you are Online for Right now, or Online for Later Today.  And this now changes things a little.  I typically compare online to being in public like a bar, but on sex sites, the bar comparison no longer works. You are now in a bathhouse. It seems ok for someone to walk up to you very forward in a bathhouse (if taking is needed there).

     In this case you are opening the doors to it. You have stated on our profile that you are looking. I don’t think you can delete the message. Because, with your profile labels, you've said I'm looking for sex. You said it to him first.  You’ll have to reply and accept or deny. 

     But the general rule still stands for the rest of us, and for those looking for sex but have not stated that. I don’t think someone who is out of control worth your time at the moment. Even if you are looking for sex, this guy has done all the foreplay.  It will take you longer to get to him than the sex will last. You are welcome to chat with him at another time, and he may be a nice guy. But at that moment he isn’t thinking with clarity. It seems to be better to let him alone, and come back another time.

     Rule #11: Delete overly sexual greetings, from men you have never had contact.

     Exception to Rule #11: If you have posted you are looking for sex, or you are on a clearly sexual website or Grindr, you must reply to the message. You opened the door, and you must be polite. If you are not interested, just say so.