Abundance of Self Portrait Photos
It is a situation we have all come across when we set up an online profile: what photo to use. We want a good picture that shows us in our best light. So we go through all our pictures and select one that seems natural, that shows we are fun, that shows us smiling; maybe a picture that shows us looking handsome, or sexy. We crop out everyone except us and post it. Then we start searching profiles for a hot guy to chat with and we find profile after profile of Self Portrait Pictures. So much so, we begin to wonder if we are supposed to have a self in the mirror shot; if that is required by the gods of the internet. Initially, I wasn’t bothered by profiles with an abundance of self portrait pictures. But now I believe, a profile with an abundance of self portrait pictures raises questions and flags.
I don’t think self portraits are particularly flattering. Most of the time, the picture is a little blurry, or not close enough to see his face clearly. Sometimes he has a goofy look on his face because he is focusing on his pose with arm extended out to the side (as if to hide it) and pressing the button without moving the camera. Sometimes the flash covers the mirror and we can barely see anything. Often the picture is taken at arms length and facing the person, which results in odd poses, angles and strange views. There is the great shoot from above that is also common as it hides that double chin. And let us not forget the shirtless (or nude) self portrait taken by the web cam while sitting at the computer (pervy).
If there is just one self portrait on his profile, I’m not bothered. It is when most or all of the profile pictures are these self portraits.
Why does someone feel the need to do so many self portrait photos? I think initially, one might just take a picture to get his profile started. That’s ok. But that is rare. You can identify this easily: the word “New” might appear on his profile. And he will have the one photo, but within a short time, more photos will be added that are better, and the self portrait removed.
Flag one: He’s a homebody with a small circle of friends. The first thing I usually ask is: don’t you have any friends who can take a picture for you? I mean come on, whenever two or more gays are gathered together there is a camera in their mist. Just ask him to take of photo of you at the Starbucks. I wonder if he has any friends or many friends at all. The abundance of self portrait pictures raises the question of how much of a social person he is. How many times have you gone out to a gay party (or any party) and had your photo taken with whomever you were talking with at that time? You don’t even have to ask, someone will take a picture of you, just because he wants to. If you are interested in someone who has few friends, or who doesn’t socialize often, a profile with many self portraits could be a sign to you that this is your guy.
Flag two: He’s hiding something. Oh let’s don’t fall into that typical he hiding his gay self. That could be true. But there could be something else he is hiding: what website he is on. Most gay men have a profile of some kind these days. Not having one is more odd than having one. It isn’t scandalous to have a profile. Very few people are going to be open about raunchy websites or websites that cater to the peripheral boundaries of sexual explorations. Some guys want bareback sex, but they don’t want their friends to know about it. So to avoid answering questions about why the need for a picture, he just takes the picture himself.
What he could be hiding is not unsafe sex or raunchy sexual interests, but the kind of man he is attracted to and wants to date. If his circle of friends all prefer twinks and he is into chubs, he could be hiding that from his friends. He is hiding who he finds attractive because he doesn’t want to deal with the discussions regarding why he would want a fat man. Gay men often don’t like for their friends to be attracted to nothing less than fit bodies. If this is so, then he has a low sense of self, and may get some of his identity from his friendship circle. Go cautiously with this one, if you discover this to be the case. If he is hiding something from his friends, and you get involved with him you may be helping him with a second coming out. Or not being invited to join in many of the reindeer games.
Flag three: He is trying to appear sexually daring. He has a picture of him laying on the bed seductivly with a pillow near the goods. Or he is at his computer naked, but we can’t see the goods. What’s that hand doing? It appears very sexy, and indicates that he has a wild side and is sexually free. Except, it is done alone at his home. That’s not wild: it’s just pantomimed fantasy. We all are brave when we are alone at home.
You’ll figure it out through your chat with him. If this is the case, then get ready for some hot chat, but no live time action. Get ready for him to talk a big game and cancel your sex dates. So when you come across this kind of self portrait, be cautious. I suggest going into the chat thinking it will only be chat. Even if he states that he is looking for a relationship, don’t be fooled.
Flag four: Lacks self confidence. I was morbidly obese at one time. Then I lost weight and was looking good. But I was still overweight; I still have my belly (just less of it). However, my chest and arms and shoulders were looking great, and I wanted a photo to show my muscles. But I didn’t feel comfortable asking someone to take the picture of me shirtless, showing off my muscles. I was embarrassed at the thought of asking for assistance. Why? Even though I like the look of what was happening to my body, it wasn’t finished. There is still a belly. I was still self conscious about my weight. I lacked the self confidence to say: I need a picture that shows my muscles more, I’m proud of what I’ve done and I want to show off. If I had that confidence I could have asked any friend, and even if he teased me we could have gotten better pictures, and had fun doing it. My brother wanted to be a body builder at one time, and he was always asking us to take pictures of him posing in the hallway. He had confidence; I did not.
Discovering self confidence is not done by looking at the pictures alone. You will have to chat with him some. But don’t worry, it will be clear quickly. He’ll nearly scream: I don’t have self confidence.
Flag five: Showing off his new toy, his camera or phone. Yes I believe this is a possibility: he’s gotten this new toy and played with it by taking a bunch of pictures of himself. And he wants everyone to see he has an Iphone. Not only do you have a huge mirror in your bathroom, but you have an Iphone. Congrats! The flag here is self involvement. He’s the guy that will want to do what he wants to do, but not what you want to do. He’s the guy that gets the Xbox and suggest you guys play some games. What this means is he wants you to watch him play. He gets his camera and to test it out, he takes pictures of himself? Why not of the apartment or the block, or the dog?
The Self Portrait picture should raise a few concerns. This concerns are merely possibilities. Therefore, I don’t think you should avoid chatting with someone you find attractive because his profile is filled with self portrait pictures. Be aware of these possibilities, be cautious and keep your mind open.
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