Marshall Online #6: Statements about STD Status

Statements about Status of STDs: Revealing a Caste System

            This is something that you’ll come across often in your profile search: a statement about his STD status and a request about yours.  It comes in a few forms: DD free you be too, tested neg on (date), neg seeking same, STD free expect the same in others, Poz.  Most—if not all—of these status statements refer to HIV only.  Most guys don’t consider that there are there are some 25 STDs (I actually think this number is low) and many are incurable, while others are become harder to defeat with antibiotics.  Regardless, these statements are made for a reason, and have lead me to believe that there is a caste system in gay culture.    

            There are two major castes: Neg, a rogue caste, and Poz.  Those living in the Neg caste look at themselves as the top, and often reject someone who is in the Poz caste as soon as the information is given.  There are some who do not acknowledge the caste system with their actions. These guys will date in any caste without thought about a person’s HIV status as a determiner.  These guys do not accept the cast, therefore do not fall into a caste, and belong to the Rogue Caste.  Then at the lower levels are the Poz caste. This is a group that is often shunned online by the community that supposedly is on their side.  The Poz group is divided into families; I base this on how they describe themselves online (if they do): Poz, Healthy and Undetectable Poz.

            The Neg group often will boast about their status on their profile. “Tested Neg on (date)”: This is a popular one to post on profiles and usually this one doesn’t come with a request that you also be negative.  It is just the boast and the time of the test, so you know when it was.  The hidden intended meaning in this statement is that this guy is doing the right thing and getting tested.  We should be tested for HIV on a regular basis. All gays should as well as all sexually active people.  When you run across this statement you know that the man you may have sex with later understands this and has been tested. He is one that is concerned about his health and yours.  The hidden meaning is that you should trust and not worry with him (but he implies you don’t have to worry about him like members of another caste.)

            However, don’t be so quick to let his statement speak for him and his sexual habits.  Being tested only shows what you were around the testing date, not what you are right now.  You’ll be having sex with him in present time, not past time.  And stating that you were tested only shows that you had a test.  What you need to know from him is not when his last test for HIV was and the results: but what are his habits with safe sex.  His sexual habits with safe sex should be the determining factor for you not his test results.  Keeping in mind that this is only a statement about his HIV status, not any other STD.

            I find that this kind of statement is just bad advertising. It is boasting about something that isn’t boast worthy.   It is a kind of false sense of security.  It is kind of the creepy guy in the bar telling you not to worry about having sex with him because: “I’m clean,” he’ll say. 

            Sometimes men will take a photo of their test and post it on their profile as proof they are not lying.  I don’t think any of these guys are lying, if they post the picture or just state they were tested. I think they have been tested and want to tell you the results.  But it doesn’t matter: a test shows the results of what you were around the day of the test, not today when I’m seeing your profile.  The photo of the test results is an extreme attempt to prove he is not lying. It is a pathetic attempt to get attention.  I really think this guy has some self esteem issues, (no proof of this just a gut reaction) and he is using this as a way to show how much better he is than someone else.  It’s just sad. Put the test results away and work on your personality.  

            The other statements about being disease free tell me he may not know as much as he wants me to think he knows about STDs.  When he states: STD free: does that mean that he has been tested for HPV or Syphilis?  Or does he think he’s not infected with an STD because he’s not had that burning feeling when he goes to the bathroom? What he wants you to know is that he is not going to be a threat to your health. But how can he know this?  He can’t.  Unless he has been tested for infections individually.   Being tested for HIV does not include other infections. So the statement STD free is (or could) be completely wrong. 

The same rule applies here as if he gives you his neg HIV status: find out his safe sex habits to determine if you want to have sex with him, and make sure his habits match yours.

The Poz Groups come next, and are the lower levels of the caste system.   On these profiles, the man tells you that he has tested positive for HIV.   

The top most Poz family is the Poz with qualifier: Healthy Poz, Undetectable Poz.  These both share the higher caste in the Poz category.  Congratulations you are successful at mistreating others the same way you are being mistreated. 

At first I saw these as two separate castes.  A healthy Poz, I thought, was someone who although HIV positive was keeping himself healthy, in shape, eating well. He is saying: ‘look I’m HIV Poz but my body is killer, I’m a stud!  I do this to help fight the virus.  So I’m not as bad as you might think I am, I’m not just Poz, I’m HEALTHY poz.’   An undetectable Poz, I thought, was someone whose viral count is so low that it appears as if he is not HIV positive.   He is saying:  ‘I’m Poz officially, but not really; see the drugs are beating my virus down so much that we can’t find any in me.’  Give them both medals.

 But I’ve recently learned these two Poz Families are the same. They are the same in meaning and treat other Poz groups the same as the Neg group will treat all Poz groups. What Healthy Poz and Undetectable Poz refer to is how their particular strain of the virus responds to medicines.  Some strains of HIV are tougher to control than others.  Men who have the weaker virus to control do not want to be exposed to the stronger.  Therefore, they will cut out anyone who isn’t the same caste as they are, just the same as a Neg caste member will cut out a Poz caste member.  It is the same energy in all cases.

  But no one knows if a person is in this lower caste if he only states Poz.  So a chat will be establish by the other Poz person to gather this information.  Soon a question about what medicine is being taken will be asked.   They know what medicines are used for the different strains. Once they know this bit of info, they will know if the guy is in the same caste.  If he isn’t in the same caste is will be let go.

In the case of the Poz group I think their statement of their status on their profile is too soon.  Information about illnesses or mental conditions and the like should be left till later. You would never walk up to someone in a bar or in a cafe and say “Hi nice to meet you, I’ve got lung cancer.” So why are guys doing similar online?  Is it an attempt to be upfront about their status so that before we have sex we are informed? If so why not wait until the chat.  This is personal, and I feel, can be left to when a person is closer emotionally or physically.  But I think these guys are putting this out there not just to be honest but to weed through guys who have a prejudice against people with HIV. 

And this is what reveals how much of a caste system we have: many Poz people put this out right in front because they have experienced this kind of rejection.  They know there is a chance the guy chatting them up, telling them they are hot, and all that, once it their HIV Poz status is revealed, this same guy will stop chatting. I know of no other virus, illness, condition where people will do this. I had a roommate that was bi-polar and he would never have put that on one of his profiles.  But with HIV status, people do. And I think the only real explanation for this, is because each time someone rejects you because of your status it hurts. It hurts to be rejected by the community that is open-minded and supposedly on your side.  It hurts as much as when family rejects you.

`           There is also a group the do not share any information about their status regardless of what it is.  It could be that they do not know their status. Many gay men do not get tested regularly or at all, and my not know what their status is.  Other men may not what to share their status with someone they don’t know, and wish for privacy.  I think this is fine. I think that stating your status is not required on your profile, and boasting that you are HIV negative isn’t attractive.

            With the group that do not share their status, you can only know their status when they tell you. Do not make an assumption they are not HIV positive because they didn’t post they are: Poz men are not required to do this, and should not be required.

             Of course in all of these Neg status statements, there is no comment or thought about the others. It is all about self wishes, self desires, and self pleasure. It’s all: I want someone who isn’t poz, or I want to have unsafe sex and feel ok about it.  It isn’t about meeting someone falling for him and creating a bond between each other.  It is about ways to reject people, mistreat them and make them feel less than valued.

What these statements regarding status reveal is the caste system.  Where one might think that is just self preservation, it isn’t.  It is just a way to turn someone down for a date.  This makes us no different than those outside our culture treat us.  Amazingly, Poz people often do the same thing too, with qualifiers that make them not just Poz but Healthy Poz.  It’s all bad energy and a way to ignore someone. I think the caste system shows our lack of maturity as a culture.