Avoid Overly Complimentary Repeated Back to Back Replies
This is how some initial contact messages go. The person who initiated the chat will be “Contactor,” and the one he contacted will be “Guy”.
Contactor: You’re Hot! (with a Wow emoticon)
Guy: Thanks
Contactor: what a great body! (with gym emoticon)
Guy: Thanks
Contactor: I love your face, so handsome! (smiley emoticon)
Guy: Thanks
Contactor: Nice beard! (some emoticon with the eyebrows lifting.)
Guy deletes this message, and doesn’t reply.
Yes he deleted the message and didn’t reply. That’s what I do, and that is what I suggest you do in this situation.
Now many will believe: oh he is just being nice and trying to be complimentary and you shouldn’t be rude to someone who is being nice. But the Contactor wasn’t being nice, he was being obsessive. Many readers may not believe that this happens, but it does and this was a good rendering of how I’ve been contacted initially, many times. Multiple complimentary messages should never happen; they reveal many warnings about you that indicate you are not dateable.
Starting off with a compliment is fine. I want this clearly understood. You’ve never chatted with him, so you may start off with a compliment—once! Not twice or more. It is just once. If he replies with a “thanks” you’ve got his attention. That’s good. Now move on.
Starting off with a compliment is NOT what I am discussing in this entry. This is about multiple complimentary messages sent back to back.
Flag 1: You are an idiot. Yes it sounds harsh I know, but that is the impression you are giving him. It may not be true at all, but that is what your actions show; that’s what he will think of you. Basically you’ve just repeated yourself three times; you’ve just said the same thing again; you just keep talking about the same thing. A semi-coherent person knows when he is repeating himself. If the impression you want to give is that you are mindless, repeat away; if not, stop doing this and show us your intelligent side.
Flag 2: you are clearly only interested in his body. I can’t think of any one reason more than this that makes you appear non-datable. I don’t think many people like to be reduced to their looks. It is great you find him easy on the eyes, but find him interesting in other ways too. Or do you plan on talking about how handsome he is for the rest of your contact? Do you image that you would go out to a movie and dinner, and instead of talking about his thoughts on the movie you would like to talk about how handsome he is? You may be bedable, but not datable.
Flag 3: You receive the grade of “needs improvement on social interactions”. Compare to a face to face interaction: someone walks up to you and repeatedly tells that you are handsome: you’re handsome, your are hot, you are sooooooo cute, you have a great beard. How long before you walk away? Would that not make you feel uncomfortable? The same is true for the internet. If you send multiple complimentary messages back to back, you are doing just that, you are being odd, showing you are a less than socially savvy man. I find this kind of behavior kind of rude.
A person lacking in social skills will keep going with compliments in hopes to get the attention of the other. The person without social skills thinks that if you haven’t responded with, thank you I am totally into to you, then it must mean he’s not got your attention. It must mean must mean he’s not said the right compliment to get your attention. So what does the man without social skills do? He keeps complimenting. It is one thing to get attention; it is another to keep attention. In this case, you’ve gotten my attention with the one compliment, but lost it with the second. If you feel like you’ve done this in the past, or do it currently, your problem is not getting someone’s attention: it is keeping it. So change your tactics! You’ve got the nerve to approach; you’ve overcome the biggest wall. Now just learn how to keep the attention. (blog soon to follow).
Flag 4: Could mean you want a compliment to be given to you. Hard to believe that someone would compliment hoping to get one, but it happens. And I think that this becomes clearer when the compliments keep coming. He’s just waiting for one. Well guess what, you ain’t getting one. Why? Cause you’ve creeped me out. If you are needing positive reinforcement and compliments I suggests getting friends who are positive people in your life, who encouage you, and are honest. Do not be disingenuous and compliment some one in hopes he will find you attractive.
Flag 5: you want me to take over and lead the conversation. You really are interested in this guy for some reason, and you really want to talk, but you lack the social skills needed to carry on the conversation. So you just keep saying the same thing over and over again, hoping that the guy will understand you need help and take the lead in the converstation. Not going to happen. Nope. When you approach someone you take the lead. Eventually he will reciprocate if he is interested in you. But this is a discussion for another day (how to know he is into you.) But this situation is the one that reminds me of the middle school girl sitting and staring at the football player across the table. She is just so overwhelmed she can’t do anything but sigh, and just sits there hoping he will speak to her. Catch yourself from doing this.
Flag 6: Do not do this in the middle of a converstation. Up till now, I’ve discussed this multiple complimentary repeated messages as if it was the beginning of a converstation. But as hard as it is to believe it happens during one as well. Avoid this temptation. It’s ok to toss in a compliment from time to time. Nothing wrong with it. Especially if the situation calls for it: he changes his profile picture, you find his facebok and see more pictures etc. These are all situations that giving a guy a compliment is ok. But again, and I can’t say this enough, COMPLIMENT ONLY ONCE!
It has happened a few times to me, and nothing stops a converstation faster. It happened today. I’ve just started chatting with this guy, and I’ve enjoyed his chat, and I’ve appreciated some of the pointers his given me on job hunting. Then suddenly he sees my dog’s blog and it changes. He likes the picture of the dog and me, he says my dog’s daddy is really handsome, he says that I should get more of the two of us cause I’m so handsome. Well now I’m bored. And I think he is also getting bored with me and doesn’t know how to pull the converstation to a close. Look, my dog’s blog is a great blog, it is the story of our journey across the country on a bicycle. There are lots, and lots of fodder for chat inside that blog, just look. I’d rather talk about suicide prevention, or how important animals are in our lives, or the horrors of puppy mills (all in her blog) than how I’m handsome. These topics that are close to me, and one’s I’ve shared with the world. Do you realize how crushing it is for someone to visit my dog’s blog and all they get from it is that my dog has a hot companion. Gawd are you that superficial?
Aside suggestion: when he says thank you to a compliment and suggest you move on, do not tell him you are being honest. Let’s use Contactor and Guy again.
Contactor: You’re hot!
Guy: thanks
Contactor: you’ve got a great body!
Guy: thanks
Contactor: beautiful beard, so handosme
Guy: yeah I got it, thanks. Let’s move on now.
Contactor: I’m just being honest.
Guy: Oh I got it thanks.
Contactor: I’m just paying you a compliment.
Delete.
No you’re not, you are not just paying him a compliment, you are given him seven. And Guy here is clearly frustrated with the Contactor, but the Contactor doesn’t get it. He doesn’t see he is frustrating Guy, and he doesn’t pick up on that Guy is willing to chat with him: but he has to stop dwelling on his looks. Now change the subject and lets chat. And what’s the response: I’m just being honest. Ok so now that I know you are not lying, I should just keep talking about how handsome I am? I never thought he wasn’t being honest before so why is telling me is just being honest? Why? Cause he has nothing else on his mind but how good looking I am. He is saying; Look I’m just being honest that you are hot. In this situation the Contactor never leaves the compliment.
If you are told that you’ve complimented enough and you should move on to new subjects. MOVE ON! When you don’t move on, and keep on about being honest or whatever, you are doing one of the worst things to show you are not datable: You are not listening. Nothing says updatable than someone who doesn’t listen.
Sending multiple complimentary messages back to back does very little to get someone to be interested in you. You show you can’t carry on a conversation, that you are needing improvement on social skills. You make someone uncomfortable. You’ve let your nerves get in the way of really showing us who you are. If you find yourself doing this kind of messaging, stop, and think before you send the second compliment. Asking how his day was is a better message than a second you are handsome.
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