A Note: Regarding the Gay Bachelorette Party
Why Bachelorette, and Why Straight Bars
Since I first came up with this idea for a protest, I’ve had a few questions that come again and again. Many want to know why I insist on calling this a Bachelorette Party, and why I insist that we must go to straight bars. I think a note that explains this more will clear this up, and hopefully encourage more to join in on this fun protest.
We’ve seen them many times out and about on a Saturday night. A group of women celebrating a bachelorette party. Not the TRADITIONAL Bridal shower any more. Remember back a few decades ago (within my life time) the groom and his friends would go out for a night of drinking—the last hurrah! For the women it was a Bridal Shower. But today, TRADITION ways of looking at these roles have changed. The Bridal Shower, that traditional lovely party, where gifts are given and the ladies sit around sipping punch, and eating mints, where the traditional way to be a bride to be—pure, virtuous, sweet—is no longer accepted as the main focus. Women now go out in imitation of the men for a last hurrah, and have the Bachelorette Bar Crawl.
They are easily seen. It is always a group of women with one dressed with a veil, or a tiara. They are wearing matching shirts with “Jenny’s play night” on the back. They are loud, and as the night get’s going, they get louder. They are demanding—walking into a bar to take over and draw as much attention to themselves as possible. They play drinking games, and scandalous games (games that require getting the phone number from a man, or getting a kiss from a stranger.) Sometimes one will step out into the road to block traffic so the bride can and her court may walk across easily. And don’t forget about the condoms all over her, or the rubber penis hanging on her neck.
Eventually—if they didn’t start out in one—they make their way to a gay bar. Sometimes it is because that is where the male strippers are, they say. Sometimes it is for a drag show. Most of the time it is just a gay bar. One they’ve heard about; one they’ve talked about at the water cooler at work; but not one that they have gone to before. They go there, because they know that if they flirt with the men, they need not worry about anyone getting the wrong idea. They can maintain their virtue (if it were not lost with the penis straw she is sipping her drinks through).
They go to the gay bar thoughtlessly. Never once wondering if anyone there might be offended by their in your face celebration of their right to marriage. Never once wondering if maybe it is cold, and heartless to celebrate your right to marriage surrounded by a group of people who are not allowed the right to marriage, a group of people that are openly told: you do not deserve this right; it is not your right at all. Isn’t this what Prop 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act are saying?
When I began to see how cold it was that these brides and friends were in gay bars, I wondered why gay bars allowed them in. In fact, I believe they should be stopped at the door, and not allowed in with the statement: when DoMA is gone, when we have the same rights as you then you are welcome. But most do not, and gays actually play along with their silly games. This is where the idea for the Gay Bachelorette Party Protest started.
These parties make great parodies. It will be easy and fun to dress up like the women. It will also bring in more attention than they do. After all, our bride is male with a veil and a sash that says: Bride Not To Be! For a fun protest, by imitating these parties we can draw a lot of attention. Attention is what we want! And all we have to do is go on a bar crawl.
Then I formed the details of the party. The details are: parties must be the same sex; there should be no debate with people at the bars; and it must be in straight bars.
Your party should be composed of one sex only. Visually this brings the point home of Legalize Same-sex Marriage. Since this isn’t a debate, we need to give as many visual clues as possible.
This isn’t a protest where you debate with others. This isn’t a yelling at others back and forth like a protest from that wacky church of un-American un-Christian idiots. This is a twist on the Sit-in Protest. Those famous protest where students went to an area and just sat down until they were picked up and dragged out. In these silent protest no confrontation from individuals in the group to others was made. Some sat in silence, others had one person who spoke, while everyone else sang or chanted. The Bachelorette Party Protest is the same, we come into a place but instead of sitting, we drink. We do our own party, we are seen and then we leave. You don’t have to talk to anyone about why same-sex marriage should be legal—it should be, it is the American way to ensure rights—life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness—to the people of the United States of America.
We must do this bar crawl in straight bars. I know many of you are nervous about this. Many are nervous because we fear that others will become upset with us. But we must do it in straight bars—they are the minds we must change. We need them agreeing with us. We could go to gay bars but what good does it do us to convince people who already agree with us?
But I think there is another reason why it has to be in non-gay locals. On the Facebook event page one woman said this:
Im a little offended here, what do you mean by "They do"?... I am a hedrosexual!!! & I am all FOR Gay Marriage... I think that this was not very well thought out because Gay Marriage has nothing to do with the general hedrosexuals... the target needs to be the state representatives, and Senates, and I doubt that these people are going to be in bars that arent first class...
(This is copied and pasted as she typed it, no corrections, I wonder if this is a sign of how upset she is.)
Let’s look at this closely. First, I notice she is “offended,” because of “they do”. She is offended that we are going to make fun of how the women who are getting marriage are acting. Good, I say. Good, you should be offended but be offended that rights are being denied, not because people are going to make fun. But she wants us all to know that she is “FOR Gay Marriage.” Indeed she yells the “FOR”. She is on our side and we should listen to the advice that follows. We should not target “general hedrosexuals” we should call representatives. We should not voice our desire for our rights to the populace, not don’t talk to them. This has “nothing to do with them,” she says: it isn’t our problem! But it was this populace that voted for Prop 8, it is this group who she says gay marriage has nothing to do with that are speaking out against it, voting against it and pressuring their representatives not do approve of gay marriage.
Basically, she wants us to protest silently! She wants us to protest outside of her area, where she is going because she doesn’t want to remember that we are being denied this right. Oh she is for it alright—intellectually, or socially—but she is not for it enough to assist or encourage or see a protest on a Saturday night when she is having fun. Yes she is offended, but not because someone is being treated as a second class citizen, but because we are being to loud!
Protest should offend, and should draw attention. They should upset people and call others to action. But they don’t have to do it with yelling, or aggression. This protest will do all of that, while we go out on a Saturday night.
We can do all that while having a good time. Just our walking into a straight bar with one sign saying—Free Gay Marriage—will do a lot. And by parodying the bridal party beer crawl, we do it with humor! Humor so often will bridge gaps between people and allow the door to open at a later time for discussion. And there will be plenty of discussion that night after we leave the bar, and go to the next. The heterosexuals will talk about it then, and the next day with other friends. And through that, they will discuss the issue with each other, and hopefully come to realize this needs to be passed.
This is the link to the Event page on Facebook:
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